


Insanity

by mistyhollowdrummer



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-03
Updated: 2014-05-03
Packaged: 2018-01-21 19:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1562078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistyhollowdrummer/pseuds/mistyhollowdrummer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All he wants is to talk to him just a little longer. To hold him, to touch him, to love him for as long as he could. Was that so much to ask for?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insanity

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. Bad feels ahead ladies and gentle... Er... Fans. XD

"Tell me more," Eren demanded in a mumble. Levi looked away from the ceiling and to the naked boy beside him. He smiled a small, genuine smile and brushed some of the brown bangs from the boy's face.

"Alright," He said softly. "What do you want to hear about?" He asked. His voice was buttery and smooth, but held its normal and everyday serious tone.

"Tell me more about the Scouting Legion." Eren blinked his golden eyes a few times, the lower half of his face covered by the blankets and giving him an adorable pouty look. Levi blushed and looked away to hide the truth.

"Well what else should I say? I've told you everything about them." Levi tilted his head as he looked back up the ceiling. Eren scooted closer to him and rested his head onto Levi's chest. His hand rubbed little circles around the flawless chest of Levi's, making small circles in a few directions and then small crisscross patterns in the other.

"Tell me about how incredible of a soldier you were." Eren pleaded with a tired voice. He heard and felt Levi chuckle. What a heavenly sound it was.

"I was humanity's strongest. I was the best. I took down Titan after Titan and I was never defeated." Levi said. "I would make titans piss themselves... That would be if they had reproductive organs to begin with." Eren laughed quietly at the joke Levi made.

It hadn’t been Levi’s intention to make it a joke, considering the information he had just given out was nothing but facts, but he was glad Eren found humor in it. It made his heart beat in a strange way, a way he hadn’t felt since their previous lives when they fought side by side against titans. He almost forgot how wonderful it felt to feel this way.

"And what about me?" Eren asked. Levi chuckled, another heavenly sound as he rubbed Eren's head.

"You were humanity's savior. You were the Titan shifter that everyone feared, but you saved everyone's lives." Levi said. Eren hummed in response, the words falling from Levi's soft lips making his skin crawl with need and desire. He wasn't paying attention to what Levi said now; all he wanted was to hear his heavenly voice. Whatever Eren could say that would get _his_ Levi to talk more and more would be enough for him.

“You did what you had set out to do in the beginning. You killed all of the titans, every single one of them. You saved the world.” Levi continued.

"I know our past lives were filled with violence but... It sounds like a wonderful dream." Eren mumbled. Levi ran his fingers through Eren's dark brown hair, rubbing little circles into his scalp and sighing. Another shiver of delight ran through the seventeen year olds body.

"It wasn't something I'd like to relive, however." Levi said. Eren could hear the pain in his voice that time. He looked up at the sharp features of his lover, his gold eyes shining with guilt. He hadn’t intended to make Levi upset in any way, but seeing it now caused guilt to boil up in the pit of his stomach and grow around his heart.

"I'm sorry," He apologized. Levi scoffed and pulled Eren's head back by his hair. The gesture got Eren to whine in pain, effectively leaving his mouth open and unguarded for Levi and his tongue to infiltrate the familiar territory. He let go of Eren's hair in favor of running his hand along his back, eliciting a quivering and quiet moan from the younger boy. Unconsciously, he pushed the boy back into his bed, the soft mattress, pillows, and blankets beneath them cushioning the small fall. Eren wrapped his arms around Levi’s shoulders, grabbing onto him for support as Levi pressed himself into Eren. This motion effectively brought their hips together, their legs tangling in a mess, and their mouths to do all of the talking for them.

Eren kept his eyes open. He did that whenever the two kissed, fearing that, if he closed them and then opened his eyes, Levi would be gone. He didn’t want that. If something like that were to happen, he wanted to see it happen, that way he could stop the kiss to say a possible final goodbye.

It hurt his heart to know that, at some point, something could separate them. He didn’t want that, not at all. He knew better, but closed his eyes anyway. The tears were burning his eyes and he didn’t want to shed them, fearing he’d worried Rivaille. He did everything in his power and thin seventeen year old body to focus on what was happen at that moment, and at that moment, Levi was kissing him senseless.

That didn’t last too long, however. When they pulled apart, a trail of saliva remained between them, continuously connecting their mouths until it snapped and fell to their chins.

"What are you apologizing for, brat?" He asked, slightly breathless. Eren huffed with slight impatience. It was just like Levi to get him all hot and bothered and then leave him hanging.

"You're such a tease." Eren scoffed and pushed at Rivaille’s shoulders.

The alarm by his bed sounded. Eren looked over to the alarm, hating the sound but dreading the reason for it even more. It was now seven a.m., and that meant it was time to get up. He expected another few minutes of stalling after he turned it off, but as if on cue, his sister was knocking on his door.

"Eren, wake up. It's time for school." She said behind the door.

"I'm up," He called out to her. "I'll be out in a minute." He said. There was no verbal response, but he could tell she left by the sounds of her small footsteps getting softer and softer until they were gone.

"What are your plans for school today?" Levi sat up off of Eren and asked.

"Today I have two free periods. Armin and I are getting together to study for the upcoming history exam. You know, the one I told you about? The one that counts for _eighty percent_ of our grade?" Eren asked.

"Oh I remember." Levi nodded his head as he tossed on his white, button up shirt. "Well then maybe I can come by and help you two with your studies." Levi suggested.

Eren looked over his shoulder at Levi and smiled a small, sad smile.

"I would like that a lot." He mumbled. Levi saw the pleading look in Eren's gold eyes and crawled over to his side. While resting all of his weight on his boney knees, he wrapped his arms around Eren's neck and pressed his chin into Eren's shoulder. Eren lifted his trembling fingers up to hold onto Levi's thin but strong arms.

“No one would know about our history better than I.” Levi mumbled into his ear. Eren smiled, a small sound between a contorted cry of pain and a twisted laugh left his throat, only to be choked back down as Eren swallowed. He reprimanded himself for being so weak, especially so early in the morning. The last thing he needed was for himself to cry and make his eyes all puffy and red for his classmates to see. God only knows Mikasa wouldn’t leave him alone until the end of the day.

“Alright, get off of me. I have to get dressed.” Eren schooled himself back into his normal, easy going self and abruptly stood up from his bed. Levi almost didn’t catch himself in time, but managed to cling to the bed for dear life before smacking his head or anything else off of the bedside table or ground. He watched as Eren paced himself over to his closet so he could grab his uniform for school.

He watched the muscles in his lower back and legs flex with tension and then release with relief as he walked. He watched the muscles in his shoulders and arms stretch to grab at a shirt, and then he watched them disappear as Eren donned his shirt.

He frowned; he hated it when he did that. He wanted to look at Eren’s body, bare and unscathed by scars. He was, in _this_ world, pure, innocent, and loved by his living family and friends. They all had normal, boring ass lives in his opinion, but he would take that life then none at all. He liked this world, even if it was boring. It was better than what they had originally scrapped from.

“Ugh, I’m so not ready for today.” Eren’s whining brought Rivaille from his thoughts. He noticed a fully dressed Eren, his backpack slung over his left shoulder and his hand running through his hair. Levi didn’t even take it into account that he was only wearing his shirt, which wasn’t fully buttoned, leaving him exposed, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t like the teenager hadn’t seen him naked before.

“Why is that?” Levi asked while going on a hunt for his underwear and pants.

“I’m just not. I’d rather sit here in bed and sleep.” Eren sighed as he plopped himself down onto his bed, waiting for Levi to get dressed. He didn’t care how long it took for Levi to do so; like he said, he wanted to stay in bed and sleep the day away.

“You can’t do that, Eren. It’s not good for your health. You’ll get sick.” Levi stated flatly while buttoning up his jeans.

“Don’t lecture me, Levi. You’re the one who can’t sleep at night.” Eren daringly rebuked. Levi sent a smirk over his shoulder at Eren.

“That’s because your moans are so loud. I can’t sleep when I’m aroused.” Levi came back with. Eren fell over his knees, hiding his face within his lap to hide the bright blush across his cheeks and on the tips of his ears.

“Shut up,” He groaned.

“It’s not my fault you can hold back your voice. I know you can; you’ve done it before. I think you just choose not to.” Levi continued as he adjusted the buttons on his shirt.

“Shut up!” Eren hollered into his legs. Levi chuckled behind him, his arms reaching out to wrap around his waist. Eren instinctually fell into that touch, uncurling himself from his ball to fall against Levi’s chest and sigh. “I can’t stay mad at you…”

“We need to fix that, don’t we?” Levi murmured. Eren offered him another weak smile.

“It’s not easy…” Eren said.

“I know… Maybe I’ve gotten too soft.” Levi sat up and left the bed, leaving Eren to do nothing but stare at him in confusion.  “I used to terrorize you. Maybe that’s why it was easier.” Levi mentioned.

“You still terrorize me.” Eren said.

“Not the way I used to. I’m way too easy on you now.” Levi held out a hand for Eren, and Eren took it graciously. He let himself be pulled up from the bed to stand next to Levi. Levi scoffed, hating the few inches of height difference between them. Even in this life, he wasn’t granted with being taller.

“I like how things are now.” Eren said.

“Come on, brat. Let’s just get to breakfast.” Eren rolled his eyes, already noticing the apprehension in Levi’s voice. Something about this topic was hard for him to talk about, but he didn’t know what. If he knew, then maybe he wouldn’t feel so left out of secrets.

“Alright…” Eren sighed. The two stepped out of the room, Eren closing his bedroom door behind him and Levi walking ahead down the stairs. Eren quickly followed behind him, stepping down the stairs and into the kitchen where his sister and mother were already waiting for him.

“Good morning…” Eren announced his presence by saying.

“Good morning,” Karla said in her cheerful mood while holding up her frying pan.

“Morning…” Mikasa mumbled while chewing on her toast.

“Sleep well, Eren?” Karla asked. Eren looked over to Levi as the older man sat down on the couch, ignoring the two women with the best of his abilities. That was hard to do, however, when Mikasa hated his guts.

“Not really,” Eren grumbled, giving Levi an all-knowing smirk.

“No…? What’s happened?” Karla asked.

“Just uh… Tossed and turned all night. I couldn’t find a comfortable position, I was either too hot or too cold; you know how it is.” Eren improvised as he sat down by Mikasa at the table.

“But you’re young. You’re supposed to sleep well.” Karla argued while setting a plate of scrambled eggs down on the table and then returning to her cooking at the stove.

“You’ve got that backwards, mom. You’re the one who sleeps well, not us teenagers.” Eren said, earning a laugh from his mother and a small, content smile from Mikasa. Eren’s mother grabbed at a plate already filled with pancakes and placed another on there. She brought it back to the table, set it down, and then rubbed Eren’s head.

“Very funny, Eren, now eat up before this all goes to waste.” She said. Eren eagerly nodded his head and stole two pancakes before anyone else could get to them. He looked from the corners of his eyes to Levi, still sitting on the couch and watching the TV with a blank stare. Not joining them for breakfast… _Again._

“Don’t hog all of the food, Eren.” Mikasa said under her breath, smacking his hand with her butter-covered fork.

“Ouch!” He yipped and pulled his hand back to rub it, feigning ignorance to the sticky butter.

“Alright you two, that’s enough.” Karla said with a wag of her finger and a scolding tone. “Eren, did you take your medicine yet?” She asked, turning her attention back to her son.

Eren stopped eating, fork near his mouth, but inches away from driving the food into him. He stared out of the corner of his eyes again, looking to Levi on the couch. Levi was looking at him over his shoulder, his expression no longer blank, but Eren couldn’t read the expression he wore.

“Um… No… N-No, I haven’t yet.” Eren set his fork down and stood up from the table. “I’ll do that right now.” He dismissed himself without another word, leaving the two of them to eat breakfast while he left to go to the bathroom. He flipped the lights on to the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

Once the door was closed, he let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t a big bathroom, but it wasn’t too small either. The bathroom’s size was just enough to put Eren into a state of comfort, wrapping him in invisible arms of safety and keeping him out of the harsh reality that was his life. He gave another audible sigh as he left the confines of the door, heading to the medicine cabinet above the sink. He looked at himself for a moment in the mirror, watching himself blink and breathe with anxiety before opening it. The opened cabinet door revealed the multiple medicines hidden away, a few his mothers, a few his fathers, and none for his sister. There was only one that was for him, marked with his name and the prescription for him.

_Eren Jaeger:_

_Risperdal_

An antipsychotic medication.

Eren had been taking it for years now. At first the hallucinations didn't appear, leaving him a lonely, depressed, and miserable child, but after a while, the effect started to wear off. It only lasted until nighttime, but at that time, Eren got to see the person he had been seeing since he could remember, Rivaille. That's why he never mentioned the lacking effects to his sister or parents, because then they’d try to fix the medication, and if they did that...

He'd never see Levi again.

Eren shut the cabinet door once he pulled his medicine out. He looked into the mirror once more, seeing Levi standing behind him. Levi was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest with another unreadable look on his face. His eyes were glaring daggers at Eren, but Eren knew that his reasons for it weren’t against him. They weren’t against him or his parents or even the medication Eren was holding. It was the whole situation they had to face, and they had to face it alone.

“Eren…” Levi said. Eren closed his eyes as he turned around to face Levi. He dropped his head down on Levi’s shoulder, holding back a painful sob that didn’t fail to make his body tremble. “Go on, Eren, take your medicine.”

“I don’t want to…” Eren replied stubbornly. Levi shook his head and pushed Eren off of him so he could look at his face.

“Eren, do it before the monsters come back…” Levi said. Eren tried his best to smile, finding it comforting that Levi still referred to the voices in his head as monsters, but he couldn’t find the heart to do it. He was in pain, both physically and mentally. How could he possibly go through this alone?

“Don’t leave me…” Eren begged, wiping his eye on his shirt sleeve.

“I’m not leaving you, Eren. I never have and I never will.” Levi rubbed Eren’s cheeks, offering the best, most comforting look he could make. “We’ve done this before and we can do it again.”

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” Eren’s voice fell into a dull whisper, his words shaking as he tried to hold back his pitiful tears.

“I know, Eren, neither do I.” Levi pressed his index finger into the underside of Eren’s chin, forcing him to lift his eyes and look at him. Eren’s eyes were already starting to swell with the unforgiving pain, his gold eyes glassy and wet with tears at the tips of his long lashes. “I don’t want you getting sick though.”

“Levi…” Eren whimpered. Levi looked down into Eren’s hand and pulled the prescription bottle from his hands. He held it up, opened it, and took out a small, dissolvable pill. He placed it in Eren’s hand, closing his fingers around it tightly.

“Go on,” Levi prompted. Eren closed his eyes and sighed, taking his time to breathe and calm down before slipping the little pill into his mouth. It dissolved within seconds, leaving behind a minty taste and a bitter pain. He opened his eyes, seeing Levi still standing in front of him. He swore he could see tears lining Levi’s eyes, but he didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to believe that this, Lance Rivaille, could break or show signs of weakness. He didn’t want to believe it.

He couldn’t.

“I’ll see you tonight, Eren.” Levi said. Eren swallowed around the lump of agony forming in his throat.

“I love you, Levi…” He breathed. Levi shut his eyes and pulled Eren close so Eren’s head could fall on his shoulder. His arms wrapped around him, one on the back of his neck, and the other on his lower back. He didn’t want this just as much as Eren didn’t. He had been separated from Eren once before, he didn’t want it happening again.

“I know…” He replied. He wouldn’t say “I love you” back, for he wanted to remain optimistic for himself and Eren. He wanted to believe that he’d be back, and then he could say _and_ prove to Eren just how much he truly loved him.

Eren grabbed at Levi’s shirt, sobbing quietly against his shoulder. He was no longer trying to hold back his crying, but he couldn’t cry too loud, for he’d alert his family. He felt the familiar sensation of Levi disappearing under his fingers, only prompting more pain from him. He sobbed until it was obvious Levi was no longer there, until he ran out of tears to cry, and even then he continued.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to tear his hair out. He was in so much pain that he couldn’t take it. Why?

Because, even though the two always saw each other at night, there was no way to guarantee that the medication would start taking its toe on him and keeping Levi away from him longer and longer. Neither of them knew if that would happen or not. They didn’t want to find out. They wanted to live in that peaceful bliss and ignorance for as long as they could. All they wanted was each other.

But fate and reality was cruel. Eren lifted his head from the wall and looked around in the bathroom. No one was there. He looked behind him and into the mirror, seeing his sullen face in the reflection. That was all he saw.

Levi was gone.


End file.
